BUFFY:
Well, if I survive Parent-Teacher Night tomorrow, I’ll see what I
can do about Saturday.
GILES:
You’re being a tad flip, don’t you think? This is serious.
BUFFY:
And getting kicked out of school is laughs a-plenty?
GILES:
You know what happens when you let your life interfere with your slaying.
BUFFY:
Okay, well, if my slaying doesn’t get me expelled, then I promise
my banner making won’t get me killed, okay? Just please let me get
through this week.
SHEILA:
Did you really burn down a school building one time?
BUFFY:
Well, not actually one time.
SHEILA:
Cool.
XANDER:
So, this night of St. Vigeous deal. If they’re gonna attack in
force,aren’t we thinkin’ vacation?
WILLOW:
We can’t run, that would be wrong. Could we hide? I mean, if that
SPIKE: guy is leading the attack…
She shudders.
GILES:
Well, he can’t be any worse than any other creature you’ve
faced.
ANGEL abruptly enters the library.
ANGEL:
He’s worse. Once he starts something, he doesn’t stop until
everything in his path is dead.
XANDER:
Hmm. So, he’s thorough, goal-oriented.
WILLOW:
Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that’s
still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different… (off
BUFFY’s look; re: mace on table) Why do they call it a mace?
DRUSILLA:
Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She’s a bad example and will have
SPIKE enters.
SPIKE:
Darling, are you going to eat something?
DRUSILLA:
I’m not hungry. I miss Prague.
SPIKE:
You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. (leads
her to the bed) The Hellmouth will restore you, put color in your cheeks,
metaphorically speaking, and in a few week’s time…
DRUSILLA:
The stars will align and smile down on us.
SPIKE:
And then, God… this town will burn.
DRUSILLA:
(giggles) A pretty fire!
GILES:
For three nights the unholy ones scourge themselves into a fury, culminating
in a savage attack on the night of St. Vigeous.
XANDER:
Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?
CORDELIA:
You’re starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just skipping
foundation entirely now?
BUFFY:
CORDELIA, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which
really mesh. It’s kind of like oil and water and a… third
unmeshable thing.
CORDELIA:
Yeah, and I can see the oil.
WILLOW:
What kinda punch did you make?
BUFFY:
Lemonade. (hands her a cup) I made it fresh and everything.
WILLOW:
How much sugar did you use?
WILLOW takes a sip.
BUFFY:
Sugar?
WILLOW’s mouth puckers with sour-overload and she quickly puts
the cup down.
WILLOW:
It’s very good.
GILES:
Our new friend Spike. He’s known as ‘William the Bloody’.
Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very
pleasant. Well, here’s some good news: he’s barely two hundred.
He’s not even as old as Angel is. (frowns) Oh.
XANDER:
That’s a bad look, right?
GILES:
I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might’ve
been a good one. SPIKE: has fought two Slayers in the last century and… he’s
killed them both.
MAN
Who are those people and what do they want?
JOYCE:
I didn’t get much of a look, but is there something wrong with
their faces? I—
SNYDER
Yes! PCP! It’s a gang on PCP! We’ve gotta get out of here.
SNYDER
Who do you think you are?
BUFFY:
I’m the one that knows how to stop them.
She looks up and walks across the room, trying to find a way into the
ceiling.
JOYCE grabs her by the shoulders.
JOYCE:
BUFFY: , are you crazy? Look, I know you’ve been accused of fighting
and other things, but those guys are serious. You can’t go
out there.
BUFFY:
I know. That’s why I’m going up there.
She grabs a stool, sets it on a lab table, climbs up and pushes a ceiling
panel aside. She looks down at her mom.
BUFFY:
Don’t worry, Mom.
She lifts herself up into the ceiling.
SNYDER:
This is my school. What I say goes, and I say this is not happening.
JOYCE:
Well, then I guess the danger’s over!
SPIKE:
No, you never were. So why are you so scared of this Slayer?
ANGEL:
Scared?
SPIKE:
Yeah. Time was you would’ve taken her out in a heartbeat. Now look
at you. I hope this tortured thing is an act, right? You’re not… housebroken?
ANGEL:
I saw her kill the Master. Hey, you think you can take her alone?
SPIKE:
You think you can fool me? You were my sire, man! You were
my… Yoda!
ANGEL:
Things change.
SPIKE:
Not us! Not demons! Man, I can’t believe this. You Uncle Tom! (grabs
his pole from the floor) Come on, people! This isn’t a
spectator sport!
SPIKE:
Fe, fi, fo fum. I smell the blood of a nice ripe… girl.
BUFFY:
(brandishing the ax)
Do we really need weapons for this?
SPIKE:
I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
He drops the pole and slowly steps toward BUFFY: . She drops the ax.
SPIKE:
The last Slayer I killed… she begged for her life.
BUFFY: slowly approaches him, sizing him up.
SPIKE:
You don’t strike me as the begging kind.
BUFFY:
So what did you and Principal Snyder talk about anyway?
JOYCE:
Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker.
BUFFY looks down in shame.
JOYCE:
And I could care less.
BUFFY looks back up, shocked and hopeful.
JOYCE:
I have a daughter who can take care of herself… who’s brave
and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang
out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I’m
going to sleep better knowing all that.
BUFFY beams, glad her mother is proud of her.
BUFFY:
About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me
again?
JOYCE:
Oh, at least a week and a half.
BUFFY:
Very cool!
CORDELIA:
And if you get me out of this, I swear I’ll never be mean to anyone
ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it’s that time
of the month, in which case I don’t think you or anyone else can
hold me responsible.
WILLOW:
Ask for some aspirin.
CORDELIA:
And can you please send some asp— hey!
SPIKE:
A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn’t in the
brochure.
DRUSILLA:
You’ll kill her and then we’ll have a nice celebration.
SPIKE:
Yeah, a party.
DRUSILLA:
Yes. With streamers… and songs.
SPIKE:
I was rash and if I had to do it all over again… Who am I kidding?
I would do it exactly the same, only I’d do this first.
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