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"That
episode was terrifying to me in the beginning," admits Marsters.
"The character was revealed to be a nerd. And I did not want
to be exposed in that way! I used to be a nerd in junior high school.
I was short, I had fuzzy hair and I was a theatre geek. And then
I went away to live with my dad for a year. And there the theatre
was the best thing in the high school. If you were 'theatre' you
were cool. Football was like: 'Who cares?' So, by the time I came
back to my home town I didn't care. In fact I didn't want anyone
to like me. We were like a group of punk rock kids. We didn't want
any of the other people to like us. We didn't want to be accepted.
We did not want to fit in.
"But being a nerd in Buffy terrified me and then exhilarated
me. Because I had the sense that I was jumping off a cliff. That
we were going to fly or go splat. 'We're going to have Spike be
a wuss. If it fails it's going to be bad.' But it didn't fail."
"No,"
he says adamantly, "it was everything I knew internally that
I didn't have the specifics for. It clarified things that were
already
there, and showed me in a way that I did not want other people
to see. That's why it was terrifying. But to be with a show for
four
years and to be artistically terrified is a luxury that I don't
know if anyone else has had. I've never heard of that before. So
I'm very lucky. To be that challenged so late in the game makes
it easy to get up at 4.30am.
"I've done plays before to find myself that terrified. I've
always come out, I feel, flying more than splatting. Well, no,"
he admits with a wry smile, "a couple of times we splatted." JM (The
Realm)
"That
was a scary episode, actually," he muses. "Until then,
the character had been set up pretty much as 100% cool, and we find
out that he is, in fact, not that at all, but that he actually made
himself. And I was concerned that we were undercutting Spike's 'cool'
for comic effect for a year now, with his Hawaiian shirt and the
jokes and stuff like that. What I hadn't copped onto was that Joss
[Whedon] was leading me from a cardboard villain to a fleshed out
person. That script, when I read that he was an absolute fop...
you know, it took me about 24 hours to change gears. Then they gave
me the full script and I realised how it fit within the story that
was being told and I thought it was brilliant. I was so excited!" JM (The
Realm)
"I
don't think that 'cool' is interesting to Joss," Marsters states
thoughtfully. "I think that he can set up cool within about
45 seconds, effortlessly, but it's usually a set-up for something
more interesting, something more human, something that has to do
with vulnerability and getting humbled by life. That's why he's
a good writer. I love him to death." JM (The
Realm)
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