At the beginning of the episode Spike gets captured by members of the Initiative.

At the beginning of the episode Spike wakes up and finds himself in a white ceramic and glass cell, one of many filled with other monsters.

Spike : Slayer... I'll kill you. Not so tough. I... Kill slayer.

He gets up and looks around. He goes to the glass wall that holds him in and puts his hands on it. He receives a severe electric shock and jumps back. The camera pans back and we see dozens of other cages with vampires and other ilk locked up.

Later on a packet of blood falls from an opening in the ceiling. A fellow vampire warns him not to drink it since it's drugged and would knock him out. Once he is knocked out he would be removed and experimented on. Spike thinks that Buffy has something to do with this and makes threats towards her.

We see the vampire that was captured in the first episode, a leftover from Sunday's gang.

Vampire : Don't drink it. It's drugged.

Spike : (He throws down the pack, frustrated.) Uh-huh. And who are you, mate?

Vampire : I'm a rat. I'm a lab rat, just like the others. They're gonna kill us, you know.

Spike : And how are they gonna do that?

Vampire : They starve you. When you're ready to bite your own arm, they shoot out one of those packets. You drink, and the next thing, you're gone. And that's when they do the experiments.

Spike : And, uh, they are? The government? Nazis? A major cosmetics company?

Vampire : Who cares? All I know is, one minute I'm running from the slayer, And the next thing, I'm here.

Spike : The slayer! I knew it! I knew it!

Vampire : Yeah, she took apart my crew, and led me straight to these guys.

Spike : She set me up, too. I always worried what would happen. When that bitch got some funding. (He slams his hands into the glass wall briefly in frustration.) She's wised up a bit. Fine! I'll take her apart. I don't care how brilliant she is.

Both Spike and the other trapped vampire try and escape from the facility. The alarms go off and security doors start closing so Spike splits and goes off on his own.

Spike : Sorry, can't stay. Got to go see a girl.

(Spike jumps off the gurney. An orderly rushes him, and Spike grabs him by the arm and flips him over the gurney, sending him rolling to the floor. Spike follows him, ready to attack, and the orderly grabs him and slams him into the glass wall of the episode one vampire's cage/room.)

Vampire : Let me out!

Spike : Bit busy right now.

Vampire : Look, I know where the exit is. You spring me, you're free. You don't, you're dead.

(Spike throws the orderly off of him, into another with a syringe, who accidentally stabs him in the neck with it. He falls onto the gurney. The second orderly looks up alarmed. Spike has vamped out, smiles, grabs the orderly and flips him onto the floor.)

Vampire : Hurry! Hurry!

(Spike runs over to the orderly sprawled on the gurney. He goes through his pockets and grabs the security card. He uses it to free the vampire.)

Vampire : This way!

(They run down the hall and quickly run under the closing security door. They run into the next room where ops guys are coming out of an elevator.)

Spike : New plan! We split up. You go that way.

(He shoves the vampire into the ops guys and flees.)

Spike escaped from the facility and returns to his hideout where Harmony is staying.

Harmony : Spike? Spike, is that really you? (He walks up to her.)

Spike : It's me, baby. Your man is-- (Harmony slaps him across the face.) back.

Harmony : Bastard. You dumped me and staked me and hurt me and left me--

Spike : I know, sugar, but you're forgetting one other thing I did. (He gets a touchy feely look.) I missed you.

Harmony : Really? (He holds up his arms, in a "Well here I am," sort of way.) Oh! Just don't ever do that to me again. (She leaps into his arms hugging him.)

Spike : Oh, never, my little foam latte. Your blondie bear is here to stay.

Harmony : Well, where have you been? (Spike strolls over to a wicked looking double bladed weaponry ax. He swings it around a bit.) No, wait. Don't tell me. I'm just glad you're back. And this time, it's for good, right? (He tosses aside the ax.)

Spike : Oh, forever and ever, mon petite creme brulee. (He picks up another vicious looking weapon, this time an exceptionally long dagger. He tosses this aside too.)

Harmony : Ooh. Italian.

Spike : Uh, yeah, and get used to it. Big daddy's home. We're gonna go wherever you want, do whatever you want, (He picks up yet another weapon this one a long sword like thing with a hook on the end.) kill whoever you want. Starting with the slayer. (Harmony looks irritated as Spike tosses aside his current weapon.) And after that, it's all you and me, my little mentholated pack of smokes.

(Harmony walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder.)

Harmony : Spikey. Let's leave the slayer alone. (She grabs his lapels.) You know she'll only slap you around, and I can do that.

Spike : Ow! Uh, no, see, ow. (Harmony is grabbings his hair, getting cute.) The head, love. Watch the head. Whoa, watch it! (Harmony has jumped Spike.)

Xander breaks in on Harmony while she's burning Spike's stuff. She tells Xander that Spike returned.

Harmony : My fire? Yeah, right. Like I listen to the sex pistols. Eww. This crap belongs to Spike.

Xander : Spike?

Harmony : Can you believe him? He comes back with all these big promises, not that I believed him, you know. But he could have spent one night, but, no. Everything was "slayer this" and "slayer that." I mean, he probably already killed her. I'm not taking him back, I just...I just want to know why it is that men always... (She looks up and Xander has left to go warn Buffy.) Leave.

Harmony pitches a lit match behind her. The pile of Spikes things go up in flames.

Willow accidentally invites Spike into her and Buffy's dorm room. Spike tries to bite Willow and the fails. He can't understand why he can't bite her and Willow tries to conform his bruised ego.

Willow : Come in. (Spike walks in. Willow is immediatly alarmed and gets up.) Spike! Wh-what do you want? Uh, a spell? I can do that.

She goes to run past him, but he grabs her and and throws her against her dresser.

Spike : I'll give you a choice. (He walks over to her.) Now I'm gonna kill you. No choice in that. But... I can let you stay dead... Or... Bring you back, to be like me.

Willow : I--I'll scream.

Spike : Bonus.

(Willow screams. Spike throws her on the bed and then turns the radio up to a blaring level.)

Willow: No!

(Spike jumps on her and they battle but he goes to bite her.)

Commercial break

Spike : I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before. (He's sitting on Willow's bed.)

Willow : Maybe you were nervous.

Spike : I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. (He leaps on her and draws back immediatly. He tries again and the same thing happens.) Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it! (He gets up and kicks the dresser. He starts to pace around the room.)

Willow : Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?

Spike : Not to me, it doesn't!

Willow : It's me, isn't it?

Spike : What are you talking about?

Willow : Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.

Spike : Piffle!

Willow : I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend."

Spike : Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.

Willow : Really?

Spike sits on her bed again.

Spike : Thought about it.

Willow : When?

Spike : Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?

Willow : I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.

Spike : Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and "rrrr!" Takes the mystery out.

Willow : But if you could...

Spike : If I could, yeah.

Willow : You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.

Spike : Don't patronize me.

Willow continues to comfort Spike until she realizes what she's doing. She smashes a lamp over Spike's head before trying to escpae from the room. Spike wakes up and leaves the room to slam Graham into a wall. He tries to bite Graham and can't due to a shock of pain. He is captured, but once again escapes.

Willow : You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or... (She picks up a lamp and smashes it over his head. She runs over to her door and tries to leave, but it's locked.)

(The lights go out outside in the hall. Riley, Graham and Forrest run in the dorm wearing night vision goggles. They race up the stairs and when they reach the top students scramble out of thier way. They head down the hall and reach Willow's room. They bust the door down and Willow races out knocking them out of the way. One of them points the tranquilizer gun at Willow.)

Riley: No, hold your fire!

(Spike rushes out and slams Graham into a wall. Willow cowers in a corner. Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain.)

Graham: It's on me! (Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain.)

Spike: Aah!

Commando : Move!

Spike struggles but is eventually contained.

Commando : Bag it, tag it. We're gone. Sir... Civilian. Could have turned. (Referring to Willow cowering in a corner.)

Riely : Leave her.

Commando : We can't neglect quarantine, sir!

Spike breaks free. He grabs a fire extingusher and smashes a commando with it.

Spike sadly wanders around the forest with a towel for protection from the sun.

Spike returns to Harmony begging to return to her. Harmony doesn't want Spike back and threatens to stake him and he runs away from her.

Harmony : Get out.

Spike : (Leaning against a wall.) But, baby, this is where I belong.

Harmony : (Pointing.) Out. I mean it. I've been doing a lot of reading, and I'm in control of my own power now, so we're through.

(She backs up as Spike advances towards her. He grabs her abruptly. He begins to kiss her shoulder. She looks uncertain.)

Spike : You don't mean that.

Harmony : Yes, I do. I...I do. (Spike picks her up and carrys her over to the bed.) I mean it a lot.

Spike : See? I knew you'd end up welcoming be back (He begins to stroke her legs.) With open...Arms. (He leans into kiss her.)

Harmony : No. (She pushes him away.) I'm powerful, and I'm beautiful, and I don't need you to complete me. (She goes around the bed and lifts the matress revealing a stake which she grabs.) And you're mean. (She stands up holding the stake up.)

Spike : (Backpedeling, then falling off the bed.) You had that in our bed? Do you know how dangerous that is?

Harmony : (Advancing on him.) Let's find out.

Spiek : You wouldn't do it. (Backing up as she walks towards him still wielding the stake.)

Harmony : You did it to me, remember?

Spike : All right. All right, I'll go. Just-- (He falls.)

Harmony : What?

Spike : Can I have someone to eat?

(She goes to stake him and he runs off.)

Spike goes to Gile's apartment begging for help, he tries to explain that he's now harmless. Buffy threatens to stake him instead of helping him. Spike offers to exchange information about the soldiers for help.

Spike : Help me. (Buffy shoves him back and he goes tumbling.) Ohh! What part of help me do you not understand?

Buffy : The part where I help you.

Spike : Come on, I'm parboiling out here.

Buffy : (Giles hands her a stake.) Want me to help make it quicker?

Spike : Invite me in.

Giles : No. It's fairly unlikely.

Spike : Oh, damn it! look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell' em what I did.

Willow : You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.

Spike : Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you.

Willow : It's true. He had trouble performing.

Spike : Yeah, well, it looks like they've done me for good. Um...

Buffy : What are you saying?

Spike : I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people.

Buffy : So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals.

Spike : I've got information. About the soldier boys you were fighting. Got the inside scoop. Come on, what have you got to be afraid of?

Buffy ties Spike to a chair while he's complaining about being mistreated. Spike gets tired of hearing everyone talk about the Indians and goes into a long speach about how they were badly treated by the seattlers. The group is attacked by the raised Indian spirits with arrows and bladed weapons. Spike is hit several times, but his heart is missed. He's been hungry for some time and he wants to eat one of the fallen Indians since he thinks he won't get shocked.

Spike : G Grrr. Bloody hell, woman. You're cuttin' off my circulation.

Buffy : You don't have any circulation.

Spike : Well, it pinches.

Buffy : Get used to it. I have more important things to worry about.

Spike : I came to you in friendship. (Buffy gives him a look.) Well, all right, seething hatred, but I've got useful information, and I feel I'm being mistreated.

Buffy : So tell me everything you know.

Spike : I'm too hungry to remember everything.

Buffy : Then sit.

Anya : (At the stove stirring a pot.) Uh, how much butter goes in with these?

Buffy : About half a stick and a quarter cup of brandy. (To Giles.) You do have brandy, don't you?

Giles : What? Oh, yes. Um, on the bookcase.

Spike : I wouldn't say no to a brandy.

(...)

Spike : Oh, someone put a stake in me.

Xander : You got a lot of volunteers in here.

Spike : I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody indians.

Buffy : Uh, the preferred term--

Spike : You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

Buffy : Well, I think the spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like spaniards.

Spike : Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?

Willow : We don't wanna fight anyone.

Buffy : I just wanna have thanksgiving.

Spike : Heh heh. Yeah...Good luck.

Willow : If we could talk to him--

Spike : You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.

Xander : Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense.

Giles : I made these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.

Buffy : Fine, ok? But someone still has to go warn the dean.

Willow : I'll go. I need the air.

Buffy : Not alone.

Anya : I'll go.

Xander : Me, too.

Buffy : Sure you're up to it?

Spike : Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.

Xander : (Getting up.) I'm up to it.

Giles : I'll keep on looking for a solution.

Buffy : Yeah. Guys, the dean's house is up past the gym. And hurry. Dinner's in an hour!

Spike : Hey, when do I get fed?

Buffy : Later. I hope the others are ok.

Spike : You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?

Buffy : I always wondered that. Giles, plates.

Spike : Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries, only not half as funny.

Buffy : You can have gravy. That has blood in it, right?

Spike : Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood.

Buffy : Do I have to gag you? Because I am not gonna listen to you whine all the way through my dinner. It's gonna be a nice, quiet, civilized--

(Suddenly an arrow pierces the decrotive scarecrow on the table. We see Hus in the window with a bow and arrow.)

Buffy : You. Listen, maybe I wasn't clear before about how terrible we all feel. 'Cause we're trying to help.

Spike : What's going on?!

Giles : It isn't working.

Buffy : Uh, you can have casinos now.

Giles : Get down!

(Giles and Buffy crouch behind the table as arrows rain through the window.)

Spike : What about me? You gonna leave me here like this? (An arrow hits him a few inches to the right of his heart.) Hey! Watch the heart!

Spike apologises to the Indians for everything that has ever been done to them while he's still hit by arrows. After the gang has won he continues to whine about not being fed.

Buffy : Shut up, spike.

Spike : Fine, I'll do it myself. Hey, sorry. Sorry about that, chief.

Buffy : How many?

Giles : Uh, the leader upstairs. 2 By the living room windows. Uh, one through the window by the door.

Buffy : It's too many. We need help.

Spike : Ok, one... 2... 3. Ow! Bloody hell! Ohh!

Buffy : Giles, these guys-- they don't die.

Giles : (Wrestling with an Indian who has him by the neck.) Bit busy over here.

Spike : (Falling and carrying the chair with him.) Hey!

Willow : (Standing with Anya continuing to beat the Indian with a shovel.) Why...Don't...You...Die?!

Angel runs up, grabs the Indian and snaps his neck with a deft twist.

Anya : What's he like when he is evil?

Angel is grabbed from behind by the neck and struggles.

Angel : Help the others!

(Buffy fighting with Hus slices him with his knife. This leaves a cut.)

Buffy : Your knife can kill you.

(Hus turns into a large bear.)

Buffy : A bear!

Spike : You made a bear!

Buffy : I didn't mean to.

Spike : Undo it! Undo it!

Xander : Hey, gentle ben, over here. (He starts throwing food at him.)That's for giving me syphilis.

(Buffy stabs the bear in the back as he's distracted by Xander.)

Spike : What happened? Did we win?

(Everyone is gathered around the table eating).

Willow : I feel lousy.

Giles : Turkey came out rather splendidly.

Buffy : Oh, it was yummy.

Willow : It's just...Did you see me? 2 Seconds of conflict with an indigenous person, and I turned into general custer.

Giles : Violence does that. Instinct takes over.

Spike : Yeah, that's the fun.

Buffy : Nobody asked you.

Spike : Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal.

Willow : But me...An entire siege.

Spike : You'd think one of you would bleed a little.

Spike is tied up in Giles' bathtub. Buffy tries to get some information about the soldiers and where they are located, but Spike is being difficult about it. Buffy feeds Spike blood from a mug with a straw. Buffy teases Spike about not being able to bite like other vampires.

Buffy: (Exasperated) So..you saw their faces but you can't describe them.

Spike: (Playing coy) Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle.

Buffy: Uh huh. And the lab?

Spike: Underground. I came out through an air vent. I don't know exactly where. I'm done. Put the telly on.

(Giles enters, carrying a mug that reads "Kiss the Librarian" with a straw protruding from it. It contains blood)

Spike: It's about time. Hope you got it warm enough.

(Giles hands it to Buffy without saying a word. She takes it, sighs, and makes a face as she puts it close enough to Spike that he can suck through the straw. He makes a big to do out of it, so as to disgust her more.)

Spike: I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel — you must have.

(Buffy pulls the mug away, leaving Spike with the straw dangling from between his lips)

Spike: Hey! Give it!

Buffy: Okay, that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you can tell me something useful about the commandos.

Spike: I'm tryin' to remember. It was very traumatic.

Buffy: How long are you going to pull this crap?

Spike: How long am I going to live once I tell you?

Giles: Look, look, Spike — we have no intention of killing a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're .. impotent —

Spike: Hey!

Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're..

Buffy: Flaccid?

Spike: You are one step away, missy.

Buffy: (Sarcastically) Giles, help! He's going to scold me.

(Spike growls, trying to grab Buffy, but the chains hold him and only make his struggles comical)

Buffy: You know what? I don't think you want us to let you go. Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for ya.

Spike: Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinkin' pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rank huge in the Zagut's Guide.

Buffy: You want something nicer? (She leans her head to the side, exposing her throat to him) A look at my.. poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed.. all that blood just .. pumping away..

(Spike, by this time, is all but licking his lips)

Giles: Oh, please.

Spike: Giles, make her stop.

(Giles walks out of the bathroom and into the living room, speaking to Willow who's reading through some books)

Giles and Buffy talk about Willow while she's feeding him blood.

Giles: Um, Willow may have had a very helpful idea. She seems to be coping better with Oz's departure, don't you think?

Buffy: She still has a way to go, but yeah — I think she's dealing.

Spike: What, are you people blind? She's hangin' on by a thread. Any ninny can see that.

Spike is still tied up in the bathtub and he's trying to watch a soap opera on the T.V. called Passions.

Spike: (Yells) Come on, now! It's telly time!

(Giles is on the phone. The answering machine for Buffy and Willow picks up)

Machine: "This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now, so please leave a message."

Giles: Oh, uh, Willow.. It's Giles. Um.. I thought you were bringing the ingredients for that spell? I really have to—

Spike: (v.o.) "Passions" is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll—

Giles: (Yells to Spike) You'll do what? Lick me to death?

(Cut to Spike, pissed off. He tries to break the chain, but to no avail. Cut back to Giles)

Giles: Look, uh.. Willow.. I think we ought to try the spell. Among other things, I'd like to shower sometime today. Alone.

(He hangs up. Cut to Spike, sighing exasperated in the tub.)

Something Blue
Episode 9, Season 4

Giles is trying to cast a truth spell on Spike, but he is having some problems reading the words. Spike gets the keys and after unlocking himself he runs away.

Giles: Elobe, enemy, be now, quiet.

Spike: You know.. not too keen about this spell stuff. Tends to be a bit unpredictable.

Giles: Yes, well, you might have thought about that sooner. Um.. (Continues reading) Let your decietful tongue be.. (Has trouble with he words) Be.. Uh.. Let no.. Untruths.. Be spoken..

(He's having a very hard time making out the words now. He gets frustrated and sets the book down, taking out a handkerchief and cleaning his glasses. Spike, who has been watching this cautiously, glances down and sees the key to the chains by Giles' feet. He slowly reaches for it with his boot)

Spike: Hey, what's that all about?

Giles: Hm? Oh, nothing. I just got ash in my eye.

Spike: Well, I won't have you doin' mojo on me if you can't read properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all.

Giles: T'would be a generous ending for you, Spike.

(Spike grabs the key and unlocks himself. He jumps up, pushes Giles out of the way, and runs out the door.)

While Buffy and Willow talk to one another in their dorm room Willow continues to unknowingly cause things to happen due to the spell she cast and thought failed. Willow causes Spike to appear outside their dorm room. Spike thinks he's led them to the soldier's location, but he can't find a way in. Spike and Buffy continue to argue all the way to Giles' apartment. Buffy want to gag Spike to keep him quite.

Buffy: Hello? Uhh.. I'll be right there. (Hangs up) Spike escaped.

Willow: A-and you're going? Now?

Buffy: Sorry — duty thing.

Willow: Well, I mean, what's the rush? Spike can't hurt anyone, right? And I figured since I'm kinda grievey, would could, uh..you know, have a girl's night. We could eat sundaes and watch Steel Magnolias and you can tell me how, at least I don't have diabetes.

Buffy: Will, I can't hang out with you until I get Spike back to Giles, you know that. Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise.

Willow: I don't see the big. He's probably just standing out there. You could find him in two seconds..

(Her eyes do the blue glow thing again. Cut to Spike standing outside, looking around confused. Buffy sees him and looks confused herself.)

Buffy: Thought that was gonna take longer.

Spike: Me too. Musta got.. turned around..

(He searches about for something, searching the ground with his eyes)

Spike: Hang.. hang on, this— this is it. Wait.. no.. yes.

Buffy: What are you talking about?

Spike: The lab. Commando lab. The door was right here where I escaped.

(He gestures to the ground which is covered with grass, no sign of a door of any kind. Just a lawn.)

Buffy: (Incredulous) I don't think so.

(Spike falls to his hands and knees, tearing at the ground)

Spike: Open up! I'm gonna kill you!

Buffy: Spike, there's nothing there.

Spike: Let me in! (Dejected) Fix me..

Buffy: Okay, drop the act..

(She grabs him by the arm, but he pushes her away)

Spike: Get off!

Buffy: Okay, that's it— I'm gonna gag you.

(He punches her in the nose, then yells in pain. She punches him back in the nose; he yells in pain again. Cut to Giles in his bathroom. He's putting drops in his eyes. Buffy and Spike come barging in through the front door, Spike once again tied up)

Spike: Hey! Watch it!

Buffy: One more word out of you, and I swear..

Spike: Swear, what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't got the stones.

Buffy: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of .. stones.

Spike: Yeah? You're all talk.

Buffy: GILES! I accidentally killed Spike. That's okay, right?

(Cut to bathroom. Giles is distracted)

Giles: Uh..uh..um.. Just a minute..

Willow accidentaly continues to change reality through her spell by wishing that Buffy and Spike get married. In Giles' apartment Spike is proposing to Buffy and she accepts his offer. They continue to act like they love each other and continue kissing and talking very cute. Giles can't understand what is happening, he is still has problems seeing clearly.

Spike: (Sneering) I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks.

Buffy: Oh, make a move — please. I'm dying for a good slay.

(They glare at eachother. Cut back to Xander's basement)

Willow: Spike's more important than me. I get it.

Xander: Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those commandos. Right now she needs Spike.

Willow: Well, fine. Why doesn't so just go marry him?

(Willow's eyes go blue-glowy. Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles comes out of the bathroom)

Giles: If the two of you could remain civil long enough to—

(Cut to Buffy sitting in the chair Spike was once occupying, Spike on his knees in front of her, holding her hand)

Buffy: It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say.

Spike: Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.

Buffy: Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!

(They embrace and kiss and it's overall mushy. Giles walks forward and takes off his glasses, quite baffled by the whole thing. Buffy sees Giles)

Buffy: Giles! You'll never believe what's happened!

(Buffy holds up her now ringed ring-finger. Giles just stares like he's gone crazy.)

Spike and Buffy continue to talk about their wedding plans and act cute. Gile's has gone completly blind.

Buffy: Here you go .. 98.6. (They kiss)

Giles: .. horribly wrong.

Buffy: There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception..

Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.

Buffy: How 'bout a daytime ceremony. In the park.

Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.

Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.

(Giles makes his way carefully into the living room, glass of scotch in hand. He takes a seat on the couch)

Spike: Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again — you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big-Pile-of-Dust.

Buffy: Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke!

Spike: Oh, pouty! Look at that lip.. gonna get it.. gonna get it..

(She giggles and they kiss and such)

Buffy: (Playfully) Oh.. stop..

Giles: Yes, please stop.

(Giles takes a good swig of his drink. Buffy holds her hand out in Giles' direction)

Buffy: Giles, did you see my ring?

Giles: Thankfully, not very well.

(Giles leans back and rubs his eyes. Buffy gets up from Spike's lap and goes to sit beside Giles)

Buffy: I'm not crazy, and I know that you probably don't approve, and my father's not that far away, I mean, he could— but this day is about family — my real family — and I would like you to be the one to give me away.

Giles: (Touched) Oh, Buffy! That's.. that's so.. (Comes to his senses) Oh! For God's sake! This is nonsense. Something is making you act this way. Don't you realize what you're doing?

(She smiles and looks back at Spike)

Buffy: Living a dream.

Spike: He's gonna have to take a bit of time to get used to it, pet.

Buffy: They all will. (She turns back to Giles) But you guys wern't crazy about Angel at first, either.

(Spike gets upset)

Spike: You wern't gonna say that name.

Buffy: Sorry. Why don't we talk about where we're going to register.

Spike: Well, where would Angel like to register? And can we have the photographer Angel would've wanted? And, flowers Angel would have liked?

Buffy: (Stands) Hey! You think I don't live with the shadow of Drusilla over my head? That I'm not wondering if you're going to be thinking of her on our honeymoon when you're making.. sweet love to me..?

(She walks to Spike and sits in his lap. They, you guessed it, kiss. Giles reaches for his glass of scotch, knocking it to the floor.)

Buffy: Giles are you okay?

Giles: I rather think not. I seem to be rather.. rather.. blind. Completely, in fact.

(Buffy walks over to him, concerned)

Buffy: What? How could this happen?

(She waves her hand in front of his face. Spike stands and walks to the bookshelf)

Giles: A spell, I believe.

Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. Don't worry.

Spike: What you want is a general reversal spell. Gonna need supplies.

Giles: Are you.. helping me?

Spike: Well, it's almost like you're my father-in-law, in'nt?

Buffy: See? This is how it's gonna be. Spike'll even take care of you while I'm at the magick shop.

(Buffy stands and walks to Spike who takes her in his arms)

Buffy: From now on, we're a family.

(They— you know the drill. Giles gets all panicky. He stands and wobbles his way to the kitchen)

Giles: That's alright. I have more scotch.

Spike and Buffy continue to talk about their wedding plans. They announce their plans to all of their friends and everyone is shocked.

Buffy: Duh dum, da-da.. Duh dum, da-da, duh dum da da dum da da dum da da..

(Giles is laying on the couch, a towel over his eyes)

Giles: So the plan is to cure my total, incapacitating blindness .. tomorrow.

Buffy: (Unconcerned) They were all out of Tagas Root at the magick shop. They'll have more tomorrow. I'm completely on top of it.

(Looks to Spike, holding the figurines up)

Buffy: Aren't they a perfect little us?

Spike: I don't like him. He's insipid. Clearly human.

Buffy: Oo, red paint. We could smear a little on his mouth — blood of the innocent..

Spike: That's my girl..

(He grabs the back of her head and pulls her into a kiss)

Giles: Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking.

(Buffy and Spike stop. Buffy sets the figurines down and picks up a notebook from the table)

Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be William the Bloody, or just Spike? ‘Cause, either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.

Spike: Where as the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance.

Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy?

Giles: Huh.. such a good question.

Spike: (Ignoring Giles) Well, it's a terrible name.

Buffy: My mother gave me that name.

Spike: Your mother, yeah, she's a genius.

Buffy: Don't you start in on my mother.

(Anya and Xander suddenly burst through the front door. Everyone stands as Xander pulls a bookshelf in front of the door.)

Xander: Board up the windows, and barricade the doors.

Giles: What's going on?

Anya: Demons. They keep coming and coming.

Xander: I think we lost them, but I couldn't see. (Sees Spike) Spike! He's all untied! (Pause) Which you probably noticed..

Buffy: Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost them, that'll give us some time to figure this out. (To Spike) Maybe the demons have something to do with Giles being blind.

Anya: Giles is blind?

(Xander walks over to Giles and starts waving his fingers in front of Giles' face)

Giles: Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.

Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

Buffy: (Hanging on Spike's arm) Spike's right. We really should get organized.

(Xander and Anya are staring at Spike and Buffy)

Anya: Why are you holding hands?

(Buffy and Spike look at eachother lovingly)

Spike: They have to hear it sooner or later..

Buffy: (Excitedly) Spike and I are getting married!

Xander: (Baffled) How? What? How?

Giles: Three excellent questions.

Spike: (To Buffy) What are you lookin' at?

Buffy: The man I love.

(They kiss. A lot. Anya and Xander look a bit disgusted)

Xander: Can I be blind, too?

(Anya nods in agreement)

Xander: Wait.. married.. I know something.. what is it..? Everything's so familiar.. Work, brain — work! Oh! Oh oh! Willow!

Buffy: (Talking around the kissing) Mm..what about Will.. Mmm, honey, get off. (Pulls away from Spike)

Xander: Something about Willow and her griefy-poor-me mood swings — so, so tired of it.

Anya: You mean I don't have to be nice about her anymore?

Buffy: Well, we're all tired of it, but what does it have to do with what's going on?

Xander: She told me I was a demon magnet, a-and you two should get married. (Gestures to Spike and Buffy)

Giles: (Coming to realization) And.. that I didn't see anything.

Buffy: She did a spell.

Giles: Yes.. to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.

Buffy: And you both were effected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.

Xander: Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for eachother.

Buffy: Xander.

Spike: That's it — you're off the usher list.

Giles: People, Willow is out there and she probably doesn't know what she's doing.

Xander: We gotta find her.

Buffy: Before somebody gets really hurt.

(Giles nods in agreement and starts forward, falling over his couch and landing on the other side. Cut to Willow walking down the hallway in Stevenson Hall. She walks into her room and is snatched up by a demon, placing one hand on each side of her head, causing electricity-like bolts to wind around her head. Cut to Buffy, Spike, Xander, and Anya walking down the hallways of Stevenson Hall)

Xander: Why does he have to come? (Indicating Spike)

Buffy: Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included.

Spike: I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who hunt us.

Buffy: Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kinda my job.

Spike: (Pats her hand) For now.

Buffy: What? You want me to stop working?

(The open the door to Buffy and Willow's room. All enter save Spike who remains outside talking)

Spike: Let's see — do I want you to give up killing all my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought.

Xander: Why does he have to come? (Indicating Spike)

Buffy: Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included.

Spike: I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who hunt us.

Buffy: Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kinda my job.

Spike: (Pats her hand) For now.

Buffy: What? You want me to stop working?

(The open the door to Buffy and Willow's room. All enter save Spike who remains outside talking)

Spike: Let's see — do I want you to give up killing all my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought.

(Cut inside Buffy and Willow's dorm room. There's a large circle burnt into the carpet)

Buffy: This is burned.

Anya: Ta'hoffren. Bastard, he's opened a portal here.

Buffy: Who?

Spike: Oh, fluffy.

(Cut to Spike, holding up one of Buffy's skirts — an orange one with orange fuzzy stuff around the bottom)

Spike: Wear this to the rehearsal dinner and the whole thing's off.

Buffy: Shut-up, honey.

Anya: Ta'hoffren. He made me a demon 1120 years ago.

Buffy: Why would he attack Willow?

Anya: I don't believe he did.

Anya: I'd been dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells — boils on the penis, nothing fancy.

Xander: Please skip ahead.

Anya: Ta'hoffren got wind of me, he offered to elevate me.

Buffy: Meaning?

Anya: He made me a demon.

Buffy: Oh God, Willow. But, you can summon this guy from this crypt, right? You can make him stop .. oh my God! Wouldn't this be a perfect place for pictures?

(She runs up to a crypt with ivy growing all along side it)

Spike: I'm not posing for chattal.

(A demon wanders their way. Xander sees it and points)

Xander: Hey.. demon.

(Buffy walks up to the demon)

Buffy: Okay, listen — now we're gonna do this without ruining the foliage.

(Buffy and the demon go at it. She tosses him aside just as another appears. She realizes that they're just going to keep coming)

Buffy: Let's go!

(All four of them run inside the crypt, barricading it as best they can. Anya runs to the far side, kneeling down and drawing a circle surrounding herself in the dirt. )

Anya: Blesséd be, the name of Ta'hoffren. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arash Ma'har, where demons are spawned.

(Cut to Arash Ma'har. Ta'hoffren is still speaking with Willow)

Ta'hoffren: The pain and suffering you brought upon those you love is inspiring. You are ready to join us here in Arash Ma'har.

Willow: Pain.. What pain?

(Cut to Buffy being choked by a demon who's reached through a window.)

Spike: Buffy!

Xander: Not doin' well here.

Anya: (Still chanting) We come in supplication. We bend as the reed.. in the flow of the, uh.. No, wait.. we-we come in the flow of the, uh.. Ugh! (Takes a deep breath) Blesséd be, the name of Ta'hoffren..

(Cut to Buffy, still being choked. She jerks away, running to Spike's side, who, with Xander, has propped a stone sepulcher against the doorway to keep the demons out.)

Spike: They're strong, and I can't fight. If they get in, I don't know if I can protect you.

Buffy: You think you have to protect me?

Spike: Oh, not with the Girl-Power bit!

(The demons finally bust their way in. Spike and Xander get their asses kicked and Buffy tries to kick ass. Anya attacks the one attacking Xander and is promptly tossed aside.)

Willow breaks the spell while Spike and Buffy are kissing after killing a monster. When the spell is removed both of them are discusted and shocked.

Buffy: Oh, Spike.. are you okay?

Spike: Slayer..

(They kiss. Anya and Xander are still beating up on that same demon. Willow suddenly appears in the crypt.)

Willow: Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken.

(Thunder crashes and lightening flashes. Suddenly, the demons disappear. Buffy and Spike pull away from each other, a look of horror and disgust passing over their faces)

Buffy: Oh, ugh..

Spike: Oh, bloody hell!

(They both jump up, each wiping their mouth and gagging and carrying on so)

Buffy: Spike lips! Lips of Spike!

(All four of them suddenly realize Willow. They all turn slowly to look at her. She smiles sheepishly and waves.)

Willow: Hi, guys.

Willow is baking cookies to show her friends how sorry she feels for casting the spell.

Spike: Don't I get a cookie?

Buffy: No.

Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.

Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.

Spike: Yeah.. well I'm not the one who wanted, "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.

(He says it loud enough for Giles, Anya, and Xander to hear. They all turn to stare at Buffy from the living room. She looks at all of them)

Buffy: That was the spell.

(Buffy gets all embarrassed and walks into the kitchen. Willow scowls at Spike and shoves a cookie in his mouth. She follows Buffy into the kitchen)

Willow: Did I mention about the sorry part?

Buffy: We may be into a forgetting spell later. (Astonished) I loved him. He were betrothed. (She makes a face)

Willow: Well, at-at least you were getting along.

Buffy: But we wern't. I mean, I wasn't even nice. And the bad-boy thing — over it. Okay, I totally get it. I'd be really happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable.. Oh my God! Riley thinks I'm engaged.

Source for all of the episode transcripts: Studiesinwords.de